Gabor Mate in his book "when the Body says no" describes a client who demonstrates how not to take care of yourself:
“I’m curious, given the past history of ovarian cancer, why these symptoms did not alarm you sooner. What might you have advised a friend with your history and your symptoms?” “Oh, well. When it comes to my friends, if they have an ingrown toenail, I send them to a gynecologist.” “
This difference in how you treat yourself and how you treat others is one of the hints you’ve given me that not all in your life may have been as you picture it. Another is when you said, ‘I think I’ve been very lucky,’ in describing your relationships.
The I think is a qualifier—to me it indicates uncertainty; it reflects an internal debate. Perhaps what you think is not what you feel; otherwise, you simply would have asserted that you feel fortunate.
“I also note that you smile when you talk about your pains and aches, as if you’re trying to soften the impact of your words. How and why might you have learned to do that? The reflex of smiling when people talk about physical pain, or about painful events or incidents or thoughts I see all the time.
Yet when infants are born, they have no capacity to hide feelings whatsoever. If an infant is uncomfortable or unhappy, she’ll cry, show sadness, show anger. Anything that we do to hide pain or sadness is an acquired response. It may make sense to hide negative emotion in some circumstances, but so many of us do it all the time, and we do it automatically. “Somehow people are trained—some more than others—into unknowingly taking care of other people’s emotional needs and minimizing their own. They hide their pain and sadness, even from themselves.”
This is beautiful and on the same time horrible example of how we put others first an ourselves last.
When we talk about healing ourselves a healthy me attitude is essential.
If you are interested in learning more about this or Ericksonian hypnotherapy join our 2 day workshop in august or follow our Clinical Hypnotherapy training.
Have amazing healthy and balanced days!